Strap yourselves in, Superstars of Premier League. The time has come to crown some champions, and shine a light on the cellar-dwellers. That’s right – it’s the 2023 Wardrobe World Cup Grand Final Week. Over 2 big days this weekend, we will sort the wheat from the chalf, the contenders from the pretenders, and the winners from the wannabees. It promises to be a cracker, with some great three-sided contests to be played out.
This is how it all works.
The top 3 teams will play off for the Championship Title, with the best 3 scores from each team counting, and the best overall team score winning the Premiership. In the event of a tie, it goes on a countback, looking for the highest individual score across the tied teams.
The bottom 3 teams will play off for the inglorious title of 2023 Wooden Spooners. The best 3 scores from each team count, as above, with the lowest team score taking the Wooden Spoon. In the event of a tie, it goes on a countback, looking for the lowest individual score across the tied teams.
The remaining 12 teams will play consolation finals (in groups of 3 teams – as below), to finalise an end of year ladder position for every team in the competition.
I’m not much of a prognosticator, but I will put my predictatorial pants on and give it a shot…. Here is my take on the matches that will decide the competition for 2023.
The Grand Final Match
Hosel Rockets Vs. Par Then Bar Vs. Par Tee Time
This 3-cornered contest is harder to pick than a broken nose. Each of these sides have rallied at the back half of the season with a combination of some brilliant solo efforts, and some generally consistent team play.
Our legendary sponsor, Mark Tomich of Wardrobe World, leads the way for the Hosel Rockets and has tapered his team beautifully for the finals. New recruits have served the Hosels well, with Ethan & Dean Lewis being regular contributors, and Neale Wigney standing up when needed. I feel that it is the old hands that will need to show out, if the Hosels are to finally raise the trophy in 2023. On an unprecedented finals run for the Hosels, Huggy, Semm & Tomich must quell the finals nerves and bring their A games to the table.
The Par Then Bar crew have been enigmatic, to say the least this year, but have really rounded into form as the whips got cracking. While their form line is harder to read than a Chinese phonebook, Captain Scammell and the Fabulous Franzeses have had good support from Emmo and Dan Edwards, and they will need it again this week. Fresh off a Handiskins win, Russ is up and about, and Shane never shies away from a challenge, so I expect this team to bring the heat. Daisy could be the velvet sledgehammer that delivers the knockout blow in this contest. Could this be the year of the Bar Flies? They have the talent…. Do they have the mettle? Let’s see this weekend.
Our last Grand Finalist are the Premier League newcomers, Par Tee Time. The debutants have been undaunted by the cut and thrust of competition thus far, and I doubt the bright lights of the big stage will frighten them. They have had some outstanding individual scores throughout the year, with Mrs Browns Boys and Dave Tassell leading out. Captain Tim Roebuck has been quietly consistent, along with Crackers Cleary and they are a formidable outfit. I suspect that they will need more than individual brilliance this week to get it done, with Finals matches needing a full team effort. It’s not often that newbs make it so deep into the post-season, and I wouldn’t underestimate this teams desire to chalk up a Maiden victory in 2023.
This is too close to call, I reckon. But if you held my feet to the fire, I would have to lean towards the Hosels. Their bitter disappointment of failed finals campaigns of the past will drive them to dig deep. But I reckon it’ll be a nailbiter. Best of luck to all 3 teams.
The Wooden Spoon Match
3-Non-Johns Vs. Jugheads Vs. The Back 9 Bandits
Rather than a quest for glory, this 3-sided match is a battle to avoid the stigma of carrying the Wooden Spoon throughout all of next year.
The 3 Non Johns have not had the year they’d hoped, and find themselves looking up the ladder from a very low rung. Captain Bicko is in really good form, but he will need his team to get an oar in the water if they are to avoid a year holding the much-maligned utensil. Duffy, Woo, Dipper and JT (will he make a rare appearance, or call another ring-in?) will be keen to step up and separate themselves from the other battlers. Addo doesn’t care – he’s lapping up the good life in the Mediterranean and he is looking at Vino and Pasta, not Victories and Pars.
The Jugheads have had a shocker – let’s be real. They have struggled to get a full team on the paddock, and it has showed with some nasty defeats. Dave Ley and Woody have been the stalwarts, and have bravely campaigned throughout the year. The rest of team must step up to avoid the shame of that last position. Look for Michael Wilson, Jeff Bruhn, Tom Boyle and Alex Lord to make a stand. If they don’t, I fear for the Jugheads.
The Back 9 Bandits have gone from chocolates to boiled lollies in a heartbeat. From contending in the playoffs to languishing at the bottom of the ladder. Andrew Williams has been brave, but he’s been playing a solo hand in recent weeks. Let’s hope that his teammates show through for him this week, with Stu, Truman, Brendo, Geoff and Craig all desperately needed to help hold off the humiliation.
Another tough match to pick a loser for, but I think Bicko will drag his team up by the bootstraps, leaving the Jugheads and Bandits to duke it out. I think whichever team struggles to get a team on the field will likely take home the cursed cutlery.
Consolation Matches
These 4 consolation matches will help finalise the end of year ladder. Based on Playoff and Preliminary finals placings, this is the spread of 3-sided matches.
Match 1 (for 4th, 5th & 6th place)
Lynch Mob Vs. Drawshank Redemptions Vs. Chronic Fatigue
Match 2 ( for 7th, 8th & 9th place)
Jug A Nauts Vs. Who’s ya caddy? Vs. Grip n Sip
Match 3 (for 10th, 11th & 12th place)
40 Over Vs. Wuhan Warriors Vs. Cockatoos
Match 4 (for 13th, 14th & 15th place)
Squirrel Nation Vs. Why knots untangled? Vs. Angry Aardvarks.
If all teams could please help me out and ensure that the scoresheets are completed after your rounds, that would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you to all Wardrobe World Cup participants for 2023. It has been a great pleasure to see teams getting into the spirit of the competition, the banter, and the camaraderie. A huge thank you to our sponsor, Mark Tomich from Wardrobe World, too. His ongoing support helps to make the event great.
May the best team win this weekend. I look forward to seeing you all at the Presentation Night and MVP function on Sept. 8th. Enjoy your golf, folks.
Cheers,
Laney
